Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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