The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
