What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
