Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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