Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize