dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
