That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
