My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
