I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
