Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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