Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize