My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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