I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
