Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
