you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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