There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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