what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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