I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
