my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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