i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
