Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize