chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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