He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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