it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
