the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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