Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
