tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
