I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
