Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're like the curious george of whores
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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