I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
