Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
