walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
