moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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