Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize