Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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