ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
