Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
