I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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