I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
