are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
