3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize