nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
