I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Alive.
So much puke
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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