allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize