I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize