I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
