Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And then my night got REAL pukey
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
