I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
