I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
