i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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