I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
