I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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