Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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