Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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