So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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