Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
