How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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