dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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