dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
