Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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