I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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