you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
