Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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