I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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