So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize