honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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