Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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