yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
