There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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