Can i not drive my cunt home
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
