No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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