Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
