You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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