Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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