If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
